Trippin' Ya'll

I seriously got worked during my Occupational Therapy (OT) & Physical Therapy (PT) appointment today.  I just didn't realize the aches and pains it would cause.  These folks don't mess around! I had to go on some high-blood pressure meds last week because it was getting so high I wasn't allowed to finish the PT or had to skip it all together.  At one point today I was supposed to hold a 4 lb. ball and do abdominal crunches, coming up & placing the ball between my knees.  Are you kidding? My belly has not done anything like this since the Physical Fitness Test in high school.  I could not hold the ball with my left hand anyway, so it waits for me another time.   I'm all belly, there are no ab muscles in there.  Especially since I gained more weight & was in a bad position for 9 hours in the car yesterday, I can barely take a deep breath.  Bad posture big time.  I actually weigh the same as before, it's just lost muscle in legs has turned itself into my belly.  Ugh.

I just went on a "mini-vacation" courtesy of Ethan's parents (Mar. 25-29).  It was planned last fall when I was normal.  After everything that happened these past few months, the trip was still on -- though I kind of wondered how in the world I would make it.  I was so worried I wouldn't make it back.  I mean, like my head would swell or I'd have the seizure to end all seizures & be far away from a hospital.  We were on Fripp Island in S. Carolina, which is both residential living and a resort.  It 's nearly 20 minutes from Beaufort, which has a vibrant downtown (for tourists) and huge lovely houses.  It also has the Marine Base (chronicled by Pat Conroy in The Great Santini) but I didn't get to see many jets flying around.  They obviously skip flying over the resort areas.

South Carolina is a strange place.  Driving through the mainland reminds me of Iowa, another place I never need to see again (though Iowa City is beautiful, I'll admit) but really all you need to know about Iowa is that this is where the band Slipknot comes from (Des Moines suburbs).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doQyXaKF_Ts

Okay, so it's not a bad song after all these years actually.  Maybe I shouldn't have looked it up.  It's just the mask gimmick.  This is 9 guys in creepy masks.  I could do it for Kiss.  But not for guys from Iowa. 

Obviously I totally lost my way last paragraph.  Back to SC -- Anyway, talk about poverty, black & white.  Do these people have anyone looking out for them? The roads are absolutely horrible, NC & VA are so smooth & clean.  There is trash everywhere until it becomes nicer & then there are signs for various volunteer "adopt a highway programs".  Cheraw is a great little town, so quaint Sherman decided not to torch it.  It's also where Dizzy Gillespie was the only black resident allowed in the local club to "entertain".  Beaufort, Fripp, Hilton Head, these are beautiful areas mostly for the whites, who never have to acknowledge how the rest of the state lives.  (Sorry & not to offend, because these places are gorgeous & there is a lot of ecosystem preservation going on).  I think about Gov. Mark Sanford, who flew down to S. America in a govt plane to visit his mistress.  I especially think about the nicely tanned, just played a round of golf yahoo Joe Wilson, who yelled at Obama "You Lie!".  Okay Mark & Joe, tell me about that 12.8 % unemployment rate & the roads filled with potholes.  Tell me about the several instances that I saw in which state cops had pulled people over on the highway, they were black.  Tell me why people visit plantations? Glory days? Architecture & landscaping may be okay reasons, but like I told Ethan's mom -- these were not nice people.  I guess I can appreciate the tunnels of live oaks with spanish moss, but the houses? The myth of the southern aristocracy? So there's my liberal rant for the day.  Could it be without the tumor I'm even more opinionated and stereotype people more? Then stick that thing back in there! Geez.

So, I'm sorry -- I seem unable to keep my thoughts to myself.  There is something different about my personality -- I am a little less shy, I really enjoy talking to strangers (wha?), I laugh more (honestly), I don't get car sick anymore (for now). 

  Our view from the porch.

It was a good trip overall, besides my various ranting.  Our rental house on Fripp Island was the perfect size and the screened-in porch had a perfect view of a boardwalk over the marsh, filled with egrets, Great Blues, seagulls, tri-colored herons, & various other marsh birds.  At one point Ethan's dad was throwing a net over the boardwalk and a Great Blue Heron landed on the railing and watched, waiting for a handout.  He didn't get a fish but Dennis had a special little chat with the Blue & Josie & Bea quietly walked out on the walkway to see it all happen.  We also had a young buck with little velvet bumps on his head come to the back where the girls gave it some crust.  (I know you shouldn't feed the wildlife, but these critters already seemed tame.)  It was a very calm and relaxing visit for everyone.

 The Great Blue is about 3 inches to the right.

 Our new friend eating crust cut from PBJs.


The highlight for me was eating at the Gullah Grub Restaurant on St. Helena Island.  There was a t.v. inside running a loop of shows & documentary-type stuff and we saw the owner (Bill Green) cooking oysters on the Martha Stewart show, and then Ethan said "do you recognize that voice?" and I said "just tell me" and it was Anthony Bourdain! (His South Carolina episode from season 3.) He was watching Bill making "Frogmore stew" and a she-crab boil or something.   I looked at the t.v. and there was Anthony, sitting in the dining room.  I said to Ethan "It's like we're living out an Anthony Bourdain episode!"  The Gullah waitress, beautiful & funny, & I talked about our love for Anthony.  The sweet potato pie was magical.  Ethan's dad recreated the Frogmore stew later on & it was yummy. I was determined though not to let anyone peel the shrimp for me -- I needed to prove I could do it one handed.

Gullah Grub Restaurant.  First time I ever drank Swamp Water, Arnold Palmer's favorite mix: sweet tea + lemonade, served in a mason jar. I imagine his may be a little spiked.

Just thinkin' about stuff...probably need a nap.

Today's NASA image is a bit strange.  Not sure I like the "Martian spring".  So, I was trying to think about what to write.  I've had some unproductive days & today I feel really disappointed in the leaders of my home state of Virginia.  First, they are taking hundreds of millions from public schools, second, they completely got rid of the ban on discriminating (in layman's terms, being harassed daily by your good ol' boy co-workers) against homosexual state employees, and third, wanting to "opt out" of the Health Care Reform Bill.  What happened to my blue state? I hope I don't do anything drastic once I'm better.  I'm so mad at these horrible, closed-minded leaders.  OH -- and fourth, passing a bill honoring Pat Robertson as some sort of legendary citizen or something.  Am I the only one who knows about his Liberian gold mines? Ugh.  I need to be inspired people!

I'm mad.  Or maybe moodiness is a side effect.  I have to say, I'm not sure how this anti-seizure drug Dilantin ever got approved.  It's like poison.  The side effects are nasty and I seem to have all of them.  Even some of the rare ones.  I empathize with anyone who needs it for epilepsy.  It will be lowered in a few days, I can't wait! I can barely type right now because of it, double vision, fatigue.


At the same time I'm thinking of two guys I've known who have gone into the great beyond.  One overdosed on heroin in Seattle on his birthday (9/22/07).  Our family had our going away party (we were leaving Missoula, Montana), that night & a friend from work came over and we joked about him, she said she had called him, or was going to.  We talked about what a dork he was (we both adored him) while looking at pictures of him on her cell.  The next morning when Ethan told me, I immediately cried out "suicide -- he hated his parents -- what day would you pick if you hated them!".  Those close to him thought it was accidental, so I've mellowed.  But if you've ever done heroin before, quit it (for a decade) and move to Seattle of all places, seek it out, how will it end this time? We had gone to Seattle earlier in April (Zoo for the girls, some flash work at Madam Lazonga's Tattoo for me, aquarium for the girls, visiting Kurt Cobain's house for me, so 90s), and I had tried before the trip to contact this friend but he had changed his number.  I could have asked my co-worker, but I didn't.  I didn't try.  Then he died that fall.

And then there's Ernie, who I mentioned in my last post.  I had no idea what was happening, or had been happening to him, which was fighting these rare kinds of brain tumors for the last eight years.  Chemo, radiation, Gamma Knife, being studied...my first thought after reading his March 17, 2010 entry was "I feel like such a jerk, my blog is all "no anxiety, except for that time I lost my basket at Target".  I know, I know, I didn't know Ernie was going through this, but if I did, maybe I would have been writing things less flippantly.

Besides going on many a band trip with Ernie (CHS Marching band), I just had this affection for him, even since middle school.  He was one of my most favorite people, an upperclassman who never snubbed you, always smiling, goofy, never angry.  I don't even remember if it was middle or high school, but kids used to "trade" Swatch watches for a week or two.  There were so many different kinds going around, & I always preferred the men's size.  I think I had the comet one (my first was the clear see-through one but it yellowed!), which had come out for Halley's Comet.  But he had the style of all styles: the Keith Haring one with the dancing figures around the face, red and yellow.  I was really into Andy Warhol for a time so I knew Keith Haring, and I prayed and prayed Ernie would forget I had it.  Nope.  I had to give it back.  Bummer.  I think the only time we had been in touch since his graduation was when I asked (via Facebook) if he still had it & he was like "are kidding? I still troll eBay for other ones but they are so expensive!" (Actually there aren't even many on eBay, (and none like his) I just checked.) I just wish he'd told me about his blog.  But you know, he was either private or didn't want sympathy.  I was almost a stranger.

In December 2009, he got blood work done and was later told he had NO platelets.  The doctor basically told him "quarantine yourself, you can't get a cold".  While trying to find out the cause, he got a biopsy (bone marrow? but my short term memory has become very fuzzy from meds).  On February 24, 2010, the day after my brain surgery, he got the news his sample was malignant, and it was leukemia.  2-6 months to live.  I wish I had gotten in touch sooner of course, but knowing late is better than not knowing at all.  Imagine going to his FB profile, not paying attention to other postings and writing "What's up Ernie? How ya been?" What a jerk I would be, man.

His blog:http://wheresernieshead.blogspot.com/

So there are two stories, equally tragic.  The difference being that one of them really wanted to live, and had been fighting to live for EIGHT years.  The other really did not, and while I still love him (but not his addiction) I am still mad at him.  What a waste...(fill in the blank movie buffs (is this really a word?)). 

Rest easy you two -- never forgotten.

Crummy Cathy

Okay, so I was warned about this.  Gavin MacCleery (P.A. Neurosurgery) told me I would recover quickly for a time and then...nothing.  I would come to a plateau of sorts where things would slow down.  Yesterday was that day.  It does seem now like the tumor had nothing to do with my headaches, because I did have a migraine for a good part of the day (damn new moon, or is it the equinox?).  I felt so completely crummy, muscle aches from physical therapy, my head, so exhausted, stressed I could not do school work in preparation for a test today.  I got out of bed for a few spoonfuls of oatmeal, up again for Facebook and to eat some crackers (sorry I missed your call Caroline!), and one more time for an Excel project (complete failure, those formulas!) and a rice and cheese burrito.  I slept nearly all day, and then I slept all night (except for the daily 6am Keppra dose).  I didn't even hear the girls chatter when they got up at 7:30am.  I can't say I'm "rejuvenated", but I'm up, no headache, no heartburn yet from the coffee (side effect from a med), the wrens are singin' away (so loud for such a little bird), Ethan's about to make eggs, folks come for a visit tomorrow, so, things are good right now.  Except for this darn Excel test I should have postponed a bit longer!

Still thinking about one of my most favorite people from middle & high school, Ernie Deomampo Jr., who died 2 days ago from leukemia (he had battled problems with brain tumors for years).  I am going to write a little more about him and give a link to his blog.  I didn't even know he was sick until the day before he died.  I would not have known at all except he popped up on the Facebook sidebar that said "reconnect with" and for once, I did it.  It was too late to actually reconnect, though I left a few comments I hope his family can read.  I don't know, I started to read his blog from the beginning and I just wish I had known he had one!  I would have been reading it for years (though I know he was very private about some things in his life).  I imagine his blog was really just for close friends. 

Ron & John, Motorcycle Men

You guys.  I'm so glad you visited me.  Ron & John were part of our whole gang in high school.  We used to hang out in the parking lot after school and even had spray painted our names on the cement parking things.  I wonder how others saw us sometimes, were we the dorky crowd or the friendly ones? The party crowd (doubtful) or the normal ones? Who knows.  I guess, who cares!  There they were, at the foot of my hospital bed, John, lanky with his legs stretched out, Ron, ever the weightlifter/football player, legs open and leaning back.  They have their own bike team now and have been riding together for many years.  Very fast bikes, the crotch rocket kind.  I remember many years ago getting on the back of John's bike to go out to some party in the country (a very lame one if I remember correctly) and asking to get off as we sped down Cherry Ave.  I was terrified and rode in a car out there instead.  I liked to drive fast, but couldn't handle the speed of a motorcycle.

We caught up a little more in my hospital room.  We talked about our 20th high school reunion, which we'd had in October.  I regret not talking to these two and their wives more during it, but it was like a wedding, a little time with each, not a lot with any.  We did agree it was a little weird.  We mentioned specific classmates and gossiped a little.  I talked about my dad's restoration project, this 1965 Lincoln Town Car, and John talked about wanting to maybe find an old Cadillac.  It was a great visit & left me feeling sentimental.  My folks showed up and John immediately went up to my dad and said something about owing him an apology, 20 years late.  I believe my dad may have said something about "I've been looking for you for 20 years" -- this was the reconciliation about egging and toilet papering our house after I had egged his car.  Or was it Chad's? It was bad (& fun) either way.

We all chatted for a bit longer and then they left so I could spend time with my folks (who I'm also grateful for visiting so many times, along with my sister's family.  It's so nice not to be forgotten!

Hey Laura!

I'm sorry to say this but as I thought about this post that song by Christopher Cross was continuously going through my head: "When you think of Laura...Hey Laura...".  Wasn't it "Laura's Theme" from General Hospital, the soundtrack to the whole Luke & Laura saga?  Was Tony Geary really a heart throb?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luke_and_Laura

I apologize Laura, for even bringing all of this up.  You deserve more! I met Laura in the band freshman year in high school.  I played clarinet and she played flute in both the wind ensemble and the marching band (the best ever, always #1, we won everything!).  We also shared a mutual friend Natascha, who also played flute.  There was many a band trip together but not many classes because she was much smarter than I.  I remember she took over as manager of the boys lacrosse team after I had lied to my folks and snuck away on an out of town trip for the team to play Collegiate.  (I was supposed to be at band practice & to this day still don't know how my folks found out.  I clearly remember almost throwing up the day my dad picked me up from work at Mr. Donut and asked "what were you doing the weekend of...?).  Anyway, no more managing for me -- I was devastated (no more Rob!).  I was very envious watching Laura out on the field during games keeping track of stats.  What's funny is so many years later my husband and the previously mentioned Rue worked with this Rob, who, predictably had no idea who I was.  Typical.

Laura came to Lynchburg with the other gals I have mentioned and we took her kids and mine to one of the few places Lynchburg has going for it -- Amazement Square, a kids play place/museum/educational/ 4-story building downtown.  I had not really been in touch that often with her but it was great when she came to visit at the hospital.  She brought with her a gift from Bodo's -- sesame bagels and a tub of Lox spread, which Ethan & I scarfed down as a midnight snack later.  It really hit the spot.  Laura didn't stay long so we really couldn't talk, I think my parents and my sister's family may have been there too.  Luckily she'll be visiting us for lunch in about 2 weeks so we can connect then.

Laura is cool.  She has been through a lot but is so together, classy, brilliant, and as my mom always mentions whenever she sees her: "I just think Laura is so beautiful."  I do too! Thanks Laura, I can't wait to see you in April!

Kim, RN

What a surprise to have Kim walk into the NICU to see me.  She works at UVA Hospital and I had not seen her since her wedding to Reuhl (sp?), an intense former Marine, drummer, and co-worker of Ethan's at a local landscaping company.  Or was it at our wedding? Or that dinner at Northern Exposure? The years run together after a decade.  Kim now brings home the bacon, while Rue is a stay-at-home dad, something I'm not sure he even believes.  She told us some funny stories but couldn't stay since she was working.  I look forward to getting all of kids together for a play date soon.  Thanks Kim, it was so good to see you!

Michele, My Belle

My Michele.  Guns 'N' Roses wrote a song about you.  Ooops -- wrong Michelle! (Thank goodness.)  Michele & I didn't do a whole lot together during high school, but when we went off to Tech together we got to be real close.  She was on the tennis team and quite dedicated, I pretty much just smoked and wore my leather jacket, trying to look "different" (sigh).  How she could stand me, I have no idea.  She was the friend who loved music, and we connected and shared that.  I was bleaching my hair and into Metallica (my love for them ends with And Justice For All, I'm a purist, just sayin'), but also The Cure (Disintegration had just come out) and Depeche Mode's Violator (I had loved them since 8th grade).  Oh my gosh, Motley Crue's Dr. Feelgood!  I made her listen to that a lot.  She didn't mind (did you?).  Michele, wow -- she liked RAP and knew all the words! Old Skool style! Public Enemy, Kool Moe Dee, Big Daddy Kane, N.W.A. to name a few.  That band with MC Serch.  I may have wanted to be metal, but she was my idol! We went to see Aerosmith together for the "Pump" tour and all I remember was Sebastian Bach (alright ladies, big sigh, those lips!) of Skid Row being a much more energetic and charismatic front man that Steven Tyler.  Not that it matters.  Eventually she transferred to VCU for the graphic arts program and I felt the loss of her company.  I knew VCU was a much better fit.  Tech ain't artsy folks.

Then, not much of anything.  I knew she got married.  I'm not sure I even knew she had kids.  She disappeared and I was out west.  I had skipped the ten year reunion in 1999 which maybe would have been my chance, but there was no way I was going to that.  Too soon.  I didn't even try to find these people, I think I was intent on leaving high school behind.  And college too.

But the 20 year reunion...I was up for that.  Michele and I finally connected.  I can't remember if it was from the Reunion website, Facebook, or what.  But she was part of this early reunion of Kel, Laura, Michele, & I in Lynchburg.  Michele was still the athlete.  I had seen pictures of her snowboarding, biking in a 100 mile race (what the?), I saw pictures of her adorable sons and knew that she had gotten divorced.  She was very independent, hip, running her own design company -- all while working full time.  Superwoman!

When it came time for the CHS 20th Reunion, I could feel myself chickening out.  Ethan & I also didn't have anything extra to get the tickets with.  We have a rather slim existence in Lynchburg & I was quite embarrassed to tell her we could not get tickets when the time came.  She fixed that by arranging for us to have free admittance.  The organizers had tix set aside for cases just like us.  I was grateful, but now I had to go!  I was anxious! Michele had told me: "You don't understand CAP, I need you to be there."  It had been so long, I guess I wasn't prepared for Michele's dedication to me.  I love this girl!

The 20th Reunion ended up being a lot of fun for Ethan & I, I won't chronicle that here in the blog but Michele looked so beautiful (actually, super hot! Admit it people!) that night & I was so happy to be there as her old friend after so many years.  Out of all the people who contacted me about my diagnosis, she took it the hardest.  I reassured her I was doing okay, but she was really scared for me.  She was the most sentimental out of our peer group from high school.  We arranged for her to come by my parents house the night before I went into the hospital.  We left Lynchburg really late and I was so worried it would be too late for her to drive from Culpeper.  When we got to Ruckersville to my folks, she was already there.  I was so happy, content, and relieved!

We had a great dinner there (sill need those recipes mom!) with Michele and with Ethan's mom, Kathy (who left to stay with a friend), and then Grandma Lois, Grandpa Warren, & Ethan took care of the girls while Michele and I talked for a few hours.  The most important thing she explained to me was about visiting the hospital.  I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to visit.  I didn't know how I'd look, I didn't want to gross anyone out...but Michele set me straight.  She told me : "People who care about you just need reassurance that you are okay.  It has nothing to do with how you look, that has nothing to do with it.  We just want to see you."  That's why I love Michele.

Her and Nicole did visit, and it was a great one.  I remember feeling Michele's calm energy while she sat beside me.  Very still, but solid.  Her and Nicole combined made it whole.